Of course this would be my devotional for the day. Divine intervention is my favorite. Thank you father for your unrelenting perusal of making me complete in you. I couldn’t have been given more perfect words to mediate on. Absolutely.
God intends for us to live a well-rounded life in Christ Jesus, but there are times when that life is attacked from the outside. Then we tend to fall back into self-examination, a habit that we thought was gone. Self-awareness is the first thing that will upset the completeness of our life in God, and self-awareness continually produces a sense of struggling and turmoil in our lives. Self-awareness is not sin, and it can be produced by nervous emotions or by suddenly being dropped into a totally new set of circumstances. Yet it is never God’s will that we should be anything less than absolutely complete in Him. Anything that disturbs our rest in Him must be rectified at once, and it is not rectified by being ignored but only by coming to Jesus Christ. If we will come to Him, asking Him to produce Christ-awareness in us, He will always do it, until we fully learn to abide in Him.
Never allow anything that divides or destroys the oneness of your life with Christ to remain in your life without facing it. Beware of allowing the influence of your friends or your circumstances to divide your life. This only serves to sap your strength and slow your spiritual growth. Beware of anything that can split your oneness with Him, causing you to see yourself as separate from Him. Nothing is as important as staying right spiritually. And the only solution is a very simple one— “Come to Me . . . .” The intellectual, moral, and spiritual depth of our reality as a person is tested and measured by these words. Yet in every detail of our lives where we are found not to be real, we would rather dispute the findings than come to Jesus.
Friday, August 19, 2011
to be holy and blameless in his sight.
And so it begins, life once again resides in the land of endless beauty. Washington, I’ve missed you. To my family and friends back in the golden state (and Minnesota), thank you all for an unforgettable and truly life-changing summer. I heard this phrase in passing the other day and chuckled at the mere notion it could quite seriously, and immaturely, be the phrase I forever associate my summer of 2011 with. “Summer is where the girls go barefoot and their hearts are just as free as their toes.” Both my toes and my heart have never felt more free. To the 14-year-old girl with shorts too small for even my cabbage patch doll, I solute you.
While my original plan was to briefly catch you up on all the happenings of summer, I was flooded with a need to share more specifically what I’m wrestling with at the moment. At the beginning of the summer I left you setting out to find the difference between who I am and who I ought to be. The springs of living water drowned and refreshed me to be sure and throughout the course of these three months I was stretched, tested, jostled, praised, and cleansed. It wasn’t until a few days ago when the joy that brought about what seemed to be subtle changes in my character was replaced with contempt for my true self. Let me tell you it hasn’t been my favorite time and as long as we’re being honest, I write to you tonight more broken than I’ve been in years. Words of advice, if you shoot up a heavy cry in prayer, expect some heavy crying as a result.
I’m not sure if you’re aware but brokenness is never fun. Thus, the past few days haven’t exactly been the party of the century. If it weren’t for a dear friend who spoke truth into my life this evening I might very well still be flat on my rug (planking style for visual purposes) justifying eating an entire pint of ice-cream because “my freezer was broken and it was melting, not because I was sad.” I’m actually not sure weather I’m more pathetic or pitiful at this exact moment, but I know I’m truly thankful nonetheless. If you’re ever feeling worthless or just need a reminder of something to be thankful for, I highly recommend reading Ephesians 1:3-23 and replacing the “us’s” and “we’s” with “you”. (courtesy of zakk uhler)
So what’s going on in my head that’s currently making it such a horrible place to be? It’s simple really. This summer I learned more about being rather than doing and owned loving rather than pursuing. I adapted to “being” more about God’s will rather than “doing“ my own and “loving” people as we’re commanded to rather than “pursuing” friendships self-centerdly. What’s horrible about this is the realization I’ve been all about the exact opposite and wrestling through the difficulties it’s in turn produced. Life’s sadly been about me not him and my selfishness has manifested it’s way into justifying straying from basic biblical principals. I had forgotten how to build-up, how to serve, and even how to love. Tonight in what seemed to be his desperate attempt to get me to listen, I was slapped across the face with one of my biggest insecurities. Luckily he’s gone before me and seen this particular situation through, but I’m still left sorting through the mess my heads already created of it. As the night’s progressed I’ve felt compelled to make drastic changes in my day to day so this doesn't happen again. I come to you now with a sincere and heartfelt apology for my selfishness in our friendship. Please know I am working on being a better individual when it comes to relationships in general, but your grace is needed to see this transformation through. While i realize I've handled a great number of you quite recklessly, my aim is centered on the rock now and i can assure you things are going to be different from here on out. I have opted to taking the next few days to fast from people. I am doing so as to better discern what's God's leading and what's my own in hopes to better balance my desire to know everyone deeply and my call to be purposeful with few. I hope you will partner with me in prayer through this transformation and see it through to its completion. Thank you for your understanding. I love and appreciate you guys more than i let on. You're all rockstars.
While my original plan was to briefly catch you up on all the happenings of summer, I was flooded with a need to share more specifically what I’m wrestling with at the moment. At the beginning of the summer I left you setting out to find the difference between who I am and who I ought to be. The springs of living water drowned and refreshed me to be sure and throughout the course of these three months I was stretched, tested, jostled, praised, and cleansed. It wasn’t until a few days ago when the joy that brought about what seemed to be subtle changes in my character was replaced with contempt for my true self. Let me tell you it hasn’t been my favorite time and as long as we’re being honest, I write to you tonight more broken than I’ve been in years. Words of advice, if you shoot up a heavy cry in prayer, expect some heavy crying as a result.
I’m not sure if you’re aware but brokenness is never fun. Thus, the past few days haven’t exactly been the party of the century. If it weren’t for a dear friend who spoke truth into my life this evening I might very well still be flat on my rug (planking style for visual purposes) justifying eating an entire pint of ice-cream because “my freezer was broken and it was melting, not because I was sad.” I’m actually not sure weather I’m more pathetic or pitiful at this exact moment, but I know I’m truly thankful nonetheless. If you’re ever feeling worthless or just need a reminder of something to be thankful for, I highly recommend reading Ephesians 1:3-23 and replacing the “us’s” and “we’s” with “you”. (courtesy of zakk uhler)
So what’s going on in my head that’s currently making it such a horrible place to be? It’s simple really. This summer I learned more about being rather than doing and owned loving rather than pursuing. I adapted to “being” more about God’s will rather than “doing“ my own and “loving” people as we’re commanded to rather than “pursuing” friendships self-centerdly. What’s horrible about this is the realization I’ve been all about the exact opposite and wrestling through the difficulties it’s in turn produced. Life’s sadly been about me not him and my selfishness has manifested it’s way into justifying straying from basic biblical principals. I had forgotten how to build-up, how to serve, and even how to love. Tonight in what seemed to be his desperate attempt to get me to listen, I was slapped across the face with one of my biggest insecurities. Luckily he’s gone before me and seen this particular situation through, but I’m still left sorting through the mess my heads already created of it. As the night’s progressed I’ve felt compelled to make drastic changes in my day to day so this doesn't happen again. I come to you now with a sincere and heartfelt apology for my selfishness in our friendship. Please know I am working on being a better individual when it comes to relationships in general, but your grace is needed to see this transformation through. While i realize I've handled a great number of you quite recklessly, my aim is centered on the rock now and i can assure you things are going to be different from here on out. I have opted to taking the next few days to fast from people. I am doing so as to better discern what's God's leading and what's my own in hopes to better balance my desire to know everyone deeply and my call to be purposeful with few. I hope you will partner with me in prayer through this transformation and see it through to its completion. Thank you for your understanding. I love and appreciate you guys more than i let on. You're all rockstars.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Attn Mr. Kim Bethell..
.. this post is for you.
It has been brought to my attention that due to my lack of posts, I'm about to dig myself out of a grave. I would much rather turn over a new leaf from this point in time on if that's okay with you. I'm looking forward to a lovely week with you and your family and we wouldn't want a silly thing like this messing up our time together now would we? ;) Think about it and get back to me. ;)
It has been brought to my attention that due to my lack of posts, I'm about to dig myself out of a grave. I would much rather turn over a new leaf from this point in time on if that's okay with you. I'm looking forward to a lovely week with you and your family and we wouldn't want a silly thing like this messing up our time together now would we? ;) Think about it and get back to me. ;)
You can take the girl out of California..
..but you can't take California out of the girl. I'm reunited at last with my sunshine, sand, orange trees, and in&out burgers. Let me tell you, it feels so so good.
First and foremost, before I even begin to present to you what might just become a severe case of word vomit, (seeing as it has been months since my last update), I would like to apologize once again for my negligence. Thankfully Easter privileged me with the opportunity to forgo a cyber relationship with you all and replace text for a family conference call. If it wasn't for the fact I couldn't taste grandma's pilaf and potato salad I just might have bought into the idea of being together. Regardless, that doesn't forgive my lack of commitment to this blogging business.
Now that we've got that taken care of, here's to california dreamin becoming CALIFORNIA LOVIN!! I've been in the sunshine state for a little over 3 weeks now. It feels like just yesterday my pops and I made the 19 hour commute home. 2,000 miles and one great talk later I found myself walking into my front door like... i just got back from sports practice? Yeah.. so much for a grand entry. It was quite anticlimactic to say the least. Who knew driving and talking could be so exhausting. I managed to squeeze in a brief yet quite overdue visit with the grandparents and off i went for a week of festivities in cameron park. It never ceases to amaze me how at home i feel there. Thankfully momma whitesell has adopted me into the family otherwise i'm not quite sure i'd know what to do with myself. Alas the bridal showers, graduations, bbq's, sleepovers, workouts, pranks (and planks ;) were traded with goodbyes and i was off to my next destination of adventure, the bay area.
The bay consisted of pretty much the same shenanigans but included the sweetest reuniting of all, caden christopher cox. Oh how i've missed my sweet little boy. It was one of those feelings you'll never forget and forever remember, and to think it came from a 3 year old. Just another reason he's my reminder the heart of life is good. While my time here was short it was much appreciated and come the end of july i'll find myself right back in the midst of it all and with the best of company.
So that leaves me with my final stop on round one of Jme's gypsy summer tour, Home. Good ole' Clovis, California. I'd be remiss if i didn't mention my first 3 days home weren't exactly welcomed with open arms. Upon my arrival the sun managed to show itself one day followed by 2 days of rain. Normally i wouldn't have an issue with this except I was stuck in a pool for 8 hours both days. Now i don't know about you, but i'm no michael phelps or chuck norris so when you combine 8 hours of swimming in 50 degree weather coupled with constant rain you get a whole lot more than just a hot mess. In the end it was a cool experience (literally ;) and i came out not only lifeguard certified, but pretty pumped up about life in general. After all, if you can survive blue lips and speado's you can survive anything. Aside from that i've been able to get a lot of resting in and family time has come in quite the abundance. I am a lucky girl indeed. Summer events have found one of my bff's brianne home as well so the "three best friends that anyone can have" were reunited over lunch a few days ago. Brittney Ann Dull is getting married on saturday and the elementary years are starting to flash before my eyes once again. What is it about returning home that always gets me so nostalgic!
Graduations and the festivities that always seem to come hand in hand have managed to fill my schedule this week, but they are welcomed with open arms. It was a bitter sweet feeling watching 2 of the 3 herndon brothers walk across that stage last night and although a part of me was a little twisted up inside, my heart was overjoyed for my jimmy j and kyle d. I never thought i'd be that girl who pulled the "I remember when it felt like just yesterday.." line but truth be told, i can now empathize with everyone i've ever hassled. I felt like a proud momma/sister/friend last night and that too is another feeling that will never be replaced. I could go on forever about these two boys and the roles they've played not only in my life, but my families lives. For the sake of your sanity I'll leave it with the simple notion i was reminded of yesterday evening. Life is fleeting and as our lives change and progress in the ebb and flow of our everyday experiences, ultimately progress comes from the intelligent use of experience. It is what we do with this experience that allows us to make a difference, our difference if you will. Whether it be what we've personally encountered, or what we've observed through others treks through what was once the great unknown, experience will far surpass anything you could ever be told or anything you will ever read. So here's to finding out the difference between who you are and who you ought to be. Now excuse me while i go and do the same. :)
First and foremost, before I even begin to present to you what might just become a severe case of word vomit, (seeing as it has been months since my last update), I would like to apologize once again for my negligence. Thankfully Easter privileged me with the opportunity to forgo a cyber relationship with you all and replace text for a family conference call. If it wasn't for the fact I couldn't taste grandma's pilaf and potato salad I just might have bought into the idea of being together. Regardless, that doesn't forgive my lack of commitment to this blogging business.
Now that we've got that taken care of, here's to california dreamin becoming CALIFORNIA LOVIN!! I've been in the sunshine state for a little over 3 weeks now. It feels like just yesterday my pops and I made the 19 hour commute home. 2,000 miles and one great talk later I found myself walking into my front door like... i just got back from sports practice? Yeah.. so much for a grand entry. It was quite anticlimactic to say the least. Who knew driving and talking could be so exhausting. I managed to squeeze in a brief yet quite overdue visit with the grandparents and off i went for a week of festivities in cameron park. It never ceases to amaze me how at home i feel there. Thankfully momma whitesell has adopted me into the family otherwise i'm not quite sure i'd know what to do with myself. Alas the bridal showers, graduations, bbq's, sleepovers, workouts, pranks (and planks ;) were traded with goodbyes and i was off to my next destination of adventure, the bay area.
The bay consisted of pretty much the same shenanigans but included the sweetest reuniting of all, caden christopher cox. Oh how i've missed my sweet little boy. It was one of those feelings you'll never forget and forever remember, and to think it came from a 3 year old. Just another reason he's my reminder the heart of life is good. While my time here was short it was much appreciated and come the end of july i'll find myself right back in the midst of it all and with the best of company.
So that leaves me with my final stop on round one of Jme's gypsy summer tour, Home. Good ole' Clovis, California. I'd be remiss if i didn't mention my first 3 days home weren't exactly welcomed with open arms. Upon my arrival the sun managed to show itself one day followed by 2 days of rain. Normally i wouldn't have an issue with this except I was stuck in a pool for 8 hours both days. Now i don't know about you, but i'm no michael phelps or chuck norris so when you combine 8 hours of swimming in 50 degree weather coupled with constant rain you get a whole lot more than just a hot mess. In the end it was a cool experience (literally ;) and i came out not only lifeguard certified, but pretty pumped up about life in general. After all, if you can survive blue lips and speado's you can survive anything. Aside from that i've been able to get a lot of resting in and family time has come in quite the abundance. I am a lucky girl indeed. Summer events have found one of my bff's brianne home as well so the "three best friends that anyone can have" were reunited over lunch a few days ago. Brittney Ann Dull is getting married on saturday and the elementary years are starting to flash before my eyes once again. What is it about returning home that always gets me so nostalgic!
Graduations and the festivities that always seem to come hand in hand have managed to fill my schedule this week, but they are welcomed with open arms. It was a bitter sweet feeling watching 2 of the 3 herndon brothers walk across that stage last night and although a part of me was a little twisted up inside, my heart was overjoyed for my jimmy j and kyle d. I never thought i'd be that girl who pulled the "I remember when it felt like just yesterday.." line but truth be told, i can now empathize with everyone i've ever hassled. I felt like a proud momma/sister/friend last night and that too is another feeling that will never be replaced. I could go on forever about these two boys and the roles they've played not only in my life, but my families lives. For the sake of your sanity I'll leave it with the simple notion i was reminded of yesterday evening. Life is fleeting and as our lives change and progress in the ebb and flow of our everyday experiences, ultimately progress comes from the intelligent use of experience. It is what we do with this experience that allows us to make a difference, our difference if you will. Whether it be what we've personally encountered, or what we've observed through others treks through what was once the great unknown, experience will far surpass anything you could ever be told or anything you will ever read. So here's to finding out the difference between who you are and who you ought to be. Now excuse me while i go and do the same. :)
Thursday, March 24, 2011
It's about time I put something up..
Welp, it’s official, I’m terrible at even keeping up with you guys via blogging. Fantastic. It’s been weeks. Midterms came and went and I just never quite caught up. However I write to you today overwhelmed with joy. The past few weeks have been nothing but one blessing after another. As my heart continues to seek Christ’s daily, I continue to peal back one scale from my eyes at a time. I am overwhelmed by a relentless God, and blatantly obvious loving God at that.
I am happy to report with 7 weeks to go, 2 of my 5 classes have come to an end, both of which I received “B’s’ in. PRAISE THE LORD! With 3 classes remaining and a lighter load, guess who finally found her balance.. THIS GIRL! It’s been so nice! With more down time on my hands I have a lot more friend time! There have been many nights spent battling over catchphrase and a new game called “fishbowl” has become one of our favorites. I’ve been blessed with a solid group of 9 core friends and we always have more coming our way. It makes the games more interesting. ;) Wednesdays find us at “the garland” (a pretty ghetto movie theatre up the street from my house) for lack of a better term. It’s dollar movies are no match for the people watching glory that goes down.
Kristi and Morgan (friends from san Francisco) blessed me with their presence a few weeks ago for 5 days. They must’ve brought the sunshine with them because for the most part it’s been sunny, BEAUTIFUL, and in the 50’s ever since! I got excited over the prospect of going to a “nelly” concert, but that lasted a whole ten seconds when I realized I was three days too late and poor.
I also went to a seminar the other day about abortion put on by a pro life organization. If I haven’t already talked your ear off about it brace yourself, it’s coming. I have yet another element I’m all about adding into the dynamic of my crazy complex yet God given calling. I hope to get it underway in the near future. I would try to type it into words but I’ll be honest, I’d keep you here til next week. With that being said I’ll save the rest for another time. For now, my prayer is that you would seek his help in all things. Even if you don’t believe in him, he believes in you and has a plan for you. Never forget that. I say this with confidence because my life is a living testament of what he can do in a broken person. I love you all dearly and miss you equally. Is it summer yet?!
Here are a few pictures from the girls visit and a few randoms from the past month..
My first blizzard..
Kristi, Zakk, Myself, and Morgan in Idaho for the day. One of my favorite places thus far.
We're a huge fan of the bridges and rivers here.
Just a taste of the sky's i've come to associate Washington with.
And I leave you with my favorite place :)
I am happy to report with 7 weeks to go, 2 of my 5 classes have come to an end, both of which I received “B’s’ in. PRAISE THE LORD! With 3 classes remaining and a lighter load, guess who finally found her balance.. THIS GIRL! It’s been so nice! With more down time on my hands I have a lot more friend time! There have been many nights spent battling over catchphrase and a new game called “fishbowl” has become one of our favorites. I’ve been blessed with a solid group of 9 core friends and we always have more coming our way. It makes the games more interesting. ;) Wednesdays find us at “the garland” (a pretty ghetto movie theatre up the street from my house) for lack of a better term. It’s dollar movies are no match for the people watching glory that goes down.
Kristi and Morgan (friends from san Francisco) blessed me with their presence a few weeks ago for 5 days. They must’ve brought the sunshine with them because for the most part it’s been sunny, BEAUTIFUL, and in the 50’s ever since! I got excited over the prospect of going to a “nelly” concert, but that lasted a whole ten seconds when I realized I was three days too late and poor.
I also went to a seminar the other day about abortion put on by a pro life organization. If I haven’t already talked your ear off about it brace yourself, it’s coming. I have yet another element I’m all about adding into the dynamic of my crazy complex yet God given calling. I hope to get it underway in the near future. I would try to type it into words but I’ll be honest, I’d keep you here til next week. With that being said I’ll save the rest for another time. For now, my prayer is that you would seek his help in all things. Even if you don’t believe in him, he believes in you and has a plan for you. Never forget that. I say this with confidence because my life is a living testament of what he can do in a broken person. I love you all dearly and miss you equally. Is it summer yet?!
Here are a few pictures from the girls visit and a few randoms from the past month..
My first blizzard..
Kristi, Zakk, Myself, and Morgan in Idaho for the day. One of my favorite places thus far.
We're a huge fan of the bridges and rivers here.
Just a taste of the sky's i've come to associate Washington with.
And I leave you with my favorite place :)
Friday, February 11, 2011
12 months to victory.
"Day twelve: A picture of something you wish you were better at."
Me and good ole' Johnson are slowly getting to know each other. Never mind the fact he's an old little guy and has a knack for getting out of tune every 6 hours. We're working on it. Just wait, in 12 months I'll be the next Taylor Swift except with more common sense. She's not exactly my favorite person, but her music..well.. i don't hate it. :) But in all seriousness, every year I tell myself this will be the year I learn to dabble in the guitar. This year I've been the most productive thus far. One of my dreams is to one day be able to sit around a campfire and bust out with some old time rock and roll.. that kind of music just soothes my soul. Or a little acoustic. You know, whatever just rolls off my fingertips. Worship music would be the ultimate. So what i'm really saying is meet me at the fire pit at my place 12 months from now.
Currently Listening too:
Me and good ole' Johnson are slowly getting to know each other. Never mind the fact he's an old little guy and has a knack for getting out of tune every 6 hours. We're working on it. Just wait, in 12 months I'll be the next Taylor Swift except with more common sense. She's not exactly my favorite person, but her music..well.. i don't hate it. :) But in all seriousness, every year I tell myself this will be the year I learn to dabble in the guitar. This year I've been the most productive thus far. One of my dreams is to one day be able to sit around a campfire and bust out with some old time rock and roll.. that kind of music just soothes my soul. Or a little acoustic. You know, whatever just rolls off my fingertips. Worship music would be the ultimate. So what i'm really saying is meet me at the fire pit at my place 12 months from now.
Currently Listening too:
Eleven minutes after Seven.
"Day eleven: a photo of your evening."
Yes.. it's true. This happened at 12pm. I had a great evening that consisted of many other things, but this was perhaps the only thing notable of my time. I had a great night of catching up with good friends and making sure my homework took care of itself. Sometimes it's quite nice to forget your worries for the day and indulge in your hearts desires. Even if that means consuming way too many carbs at 1am. :)
Currently Listening to:
Yes.. it's true. This happened at 12pm. I had a great evening that consisted of many other things, but this was perhaps the only thing notable of my time. I had a great night of catching up with good friends and making sure my homework took care of itself. Sometimes it's quite nice to forget your worries for the day and indulge in your hearts desires. Even if that means consuming way too many carbs at 1am. :)
Currently Listening to:
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