It's way too cold. It's way too late. I've eaten far too much (or so I
thought). I've counted numerous times exactly to the minute how much sleep I'd
get if I fell asleep right this second, two hours later.. awake. Fantastic.
It's been nothing short of torture. There’s now no doubt in my mind that for
the second time in three weeks I was about to endure food poisoning in its
harshest form. Let me start off by saying I don’t use the term ‘endure’
lightly. Three weeks ago I found myself all but in the hospital hooked up to an
I.V. due to severe dehydration and let me tell you, the only reason I wasn’t
was because of my own stupidity. It took every ounce of energy, hope, and life
I had left in me to fight off my first bout and was praying this time it would
be different.
I’ll spare you the details, but all the signs were there and
I felt it coming. It was only a matter of minutes before it became official.
I’m not sure if it was the mere memory of the terror I fought through just
three weeks prior (and was still recovering from mind you), or the thought of
facing it yet again alone that scared me senseless. Regardless, whatever it was
I am beyond thankful for.
As soon as my mind registered what was happening, I prayed.
Quite literally the first hour consisted of “God, please just don’t let me
throw up more than ten times!” That’s it. I’ve never pleaded with
God more nor have I ever felt so helpless. I kid you not I prayed straight
through hours on end that night. I
did end up throwing up, but only twice and I was done with it. Granted I had other issues that had to
be worked out, but compared to every 15 minutes for two days straight,* I considered it a victory.
Two things happened over the course of those 24 hours. 1. I
was forced to slow down. I was forced to rest. I was forced to bask in silence.
I was forced to be alone with God.
All, though wonderful and necessary, were things I had cut out of my
life for weeks upon weeks. I know. I know. Shame on me. 2. I recognized my
complete and utter NEED for my savior.
Not to over spiritualize my sickness but, in hindsight, I
feel like he was just trying to get my attention. This semester has completely
consumed me with maters that only concern myself. While my work as a pre-school teacher is teaching me much, I am depriving myself of so much more. Sundays were
added to my schedule and while at first they were taken hesitantly, podcasts
became my only source of spiritual nourishment after a matter of weeks. There
has been no real time for community in a 60+ hour work week. My financial
security in the adult world has consumed me and I am loosing myself in the
process.** I go home tomorrow for winter break. It couldn’t be welcomed with more open arms. I’m looking forward to this time of rest. To a time of relaxation. To time of carefree living. We’re talking good solid nourishment in it’s purest
form.. FAMILY.
*you do the math
**applications for a life coach are now being accepted.
*you do the math
**applications for a life coach are now being accepted.